Sometimes I want to be disappear, but I can still watch them.
Watch their laugh, their jokes, sadness, tears, and their fearless.
I love them, but I feel they don't know me. They looked me from outside.
From my happiness, and quiet insane.
They never know when I'm really really down.
People says be patient and face the world with smile.
That is the most bullshit motivated words I've ever knew.
Because when you're down you and you just smile like a creepy person, you're fake yourself.
Some people can't stand their lives. They goes mad.
I don't wanna be a mad person. I wannabe normal.
I'm kinda tired because I feel different, because when I'm with friends, I'm pretend to be normal.
That's sick. I'm not find someone yet who can accept the real I am.
Even my family.
My country isn't a cold country, don't have a fucking winter. But when rain comes, it's getting cold like I live in Russia.
I'm walking in the rain, I always walking with nobody beside me. Am I have any friends? yes
But, where are they?
They're getting busy with their own life.
Am I have a crush? Yes
But he don't really exist. He just in my dream. He's reachable.
Too much thoughts, fears, sadness, confuse, and complicated.
They fighting much and more in my mind.
I can't help it. I can't stop them.
I can't control them.
I'm too far with God.
I wish I have an imaginary friend.
I can talk with him,
Everywhere and every time I want.
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