I am The Lucky Herpes

You can counting how many times you got hurt?
People says bad words can hurt us so bad.
I said good word can hurt us too.
I love you,
Yes. That sweet shit hurting people in many ways.

Call people and share about problems we got,  actually that can make us joy.
But they can't really give advices.
The only one can solve your problems is yourself.
People says A, but your heart says B.
You must be do the B, even that will be the hurt one.

My life been messed up, many times..
I bet everyone does.
People nowadays fucked up because of broken heart.
Some of them can't stand it so they decide to harm themselves, or they can do the stupid suicide.
We can't blame when someone did that.
We blame the person who hurt those victims.

I'm a 21 years old girl, nearly adult but I can't think clear about anything.
Once I'm fallin' love with someone I shouldn't.
He's already taken by an immature shit for 4 years or more I don't care.
A month after he said he loves me, I found out he's taken.
That was hurt so damn much. I tried to pushed him away.
I tried to keep the distance, I tried pretending to be the one who don't need him.
I tried many ways to forget the way he looked at me, the way he kissed my shoulder, the way he kissed my forehead, the way he hold my hand when I barely sleep while he drive me home, the way he pulled his hands on my hip while I hug him for the last time.

And then I fail.
It's easy for me to fallin' love with stranger. But he's different kind of stranger who can make me stay awake all night just for thinking about us, and gave me some nightmares because of my feelings for him.
I never wanted to be the herpes for cute couple. But it's already done.
The girl found out who am I and she think that I'm the reason of that boy told her about boredom in their relationship. I already said I have to go because I won't hurt anyone. He said don't.
It's hurt when that boy text me: "I'll pick my girl, I'll chat you later okay." he's gone awhile.
There was not okay for me. But I can pretending say it's okay with these tears going down on my face.

One day I think I'm tough enough to let him go and having a happy ending with his pet. I told him to fuck off.
Day 1.. I'm fine
Day 2.. Shhhiiiiiii...... I'm finnneeeee....tttttttt
Day 3.. DAMN IT! WHAT THE FUCK IS HIS LINE ID!? 
Day 4.. I did it talk to him again and we just pressed the restart button. We started all over again, like we didn't know each other before :p

Honestly my life is suddenly being full package of quotes and music videos.
Friend of mine said "that's all your choice, letting go of your short term happiness for your long term happiness or keep living in your comfort zone with him for happiness a short term, because one day he will be back with her pet, and you'll getting hurt for more. Sooner or later it'll be happening."

This week is the damn exams week.
Passed 2 exams, I'm late because of stay awake just overthinking of this matter.
Come to university with a fucked up face, without shower and cute big panda's eyes.
My mate said what's wrong with you!?
I said nothin, just fucked up by life and people. haha *poker face

The storm is getting bigger and make me drowning too much, until come one of my kind of sister.
I told her all the details.
She just say, go pray.. God knows and will help you, don't be ashame to cry and say please, because God just miss you, and God want you to remember if God does exist. When you feel hurt like this just remember you have mom and brother at home waiting for your best story, they will sad if they find out their love is getting insane like this. You want to see them sad? see your mom crying on her pray? Nobody wants. I can't give you any advice, just ask God and it'll be alright. 

I pray.. Pleased to help me grow my patience, and give the best for all people I love.
Feel better now, I told him to not talking to me in a day because today is his gf's birthday, I won't bother anyway. Just take your fun time with your girl. I'm fine

At the end I have to say ' Mature is when you can watch your person you love happy, even they're happy without you or not because of you. '
Sounds like bullshit.
Biggest bullshit. But the most fantastic moment is when you did the biggest bullshit.

I am still trying to figure this out.
He keep saying we met in a wrong way and the time shouldn't like this.
But it's already done and this is God's plan.
Make it worth or you just waste your time again for nothing.

I am sorry I love you.
But I'm not sorry for loving your boyfriend.
Heart's problem, you can't blame me.
xoxo

God's Power Trip

In Indonesia, Thursday kliwon is such a holly night, a lot of people coming to the holly graveyard or ancestor's grave to ask their life, healthy, money, love and something in life like that. Me and my mate just wondering how if we come to the ancestor's grave at kliwon night. And then here we go! 

January 30 2014. Thursday kliwon!

Me and my mate finally went to the ancestor's grave in sumedang, West Java. It called Dayeuh Luhur. We arrived at 4pm and we took a rest for a bit because the trip is kinda made us lost some energy haha.

After we took a short rest, we continued to the ancestor's grave. That wasn't the first time I'm going to the holly graves. Honestly it's cold and fogged. So that condition was totally supported us.

The first grave is the highest or the oldest one. Here's the view

There are a bunch of people pray for their life and hope for a better life. People burn something like a smell good candle, and spread some grave's flowers to the grave. Done with the oldest grave, we went to his third wife not pretty far from there. There was a same condition like this, bunch people pray and ask for a better life. 

In that grave, people can stay max 3 days and 3 nights. Looking for miracle of life haha. Nah seriously someone can get a miracle. Maybe they can see a ghosts after they went and pray there, or maybe you can see the future.. Well that's gonna be back to the God.
And I'm done with the wifey's grave.. Abah took us to the next grave. It's pretty far because this grave is the only one grave at the top of mountain. So we have to uphill. Lucky us because it wasn't summer, so there was no sun! haha 

Fogs everywhere, covered the path..
Honestly the view was amazing, because we are at the top of somewhere, so we can see around the hill and that was beautiful.

Step by step we're uphill, lots of stairs we stamps.. 
20 minutes to get up there. Pretty cold and so freakin windy.
There is the only one grave, and there is a stone.
This is nuts, the stone isn't so big but the weight is so so so over haha
Why?
Because supposedly said, the ancestor was sit there for meditation, he sat there for long time. And there is his sole at the stone. He wasn't dead. He was gone people said he's gone and left his stick and said "I left my stick here, so my grandchild who need a help, just come here because I'm here". The stick there and a lot of people make it for meditation. 

Done with this amazing grave, we're goin to the sacred bathing place. There is 7 magic water.
Each spring have a strength to make us better. I tried 4 of 7 springs there. One of that water taste good, not like the other springs. 

Believe it or not. 
All of it are goin back to our respective beliefs.
Back to God.
God made all of it.
Thank god for all of things you made.


the video of this trip

College?

My name is B.

I'm afraid of

-God

-Ghost

-Dog (even the cute one)

-Dead

-People

-And College.

Yes college! Or University. Whatever it called~

My dad said that I have to be something. I will. My mom said that I have to prove to the world I can be someone. Something in common between SOMETHING and SOMEONE. 

There is same SOME and have to be!

Actually I don't know what i'm talking about here. I just wanna tell you about COLLEGE LIFE.

Things when you hear COLLEGE or UNIVERSITY are : FUCKING SENIORS and FREEDOM OF LIVE.

I'm studying in the most favorite University in Indonesia like I told in my old blog. I was afraid of seniors, because there is a lot of stories about seniority in college life. I was really really fucked up when the first time I moved to the small village. I have to moved because my University out of my hometown. Not to far but pretty far it's like more than 100km from my hometown. I felt so amazingly lonely and wants to hang myself. The first time I live far away from my mom. It's totally killing!

Wait.. 

LIVING FAR AWAY FROM PARENT? OMG that is freakin awesome! haha just kidding. (I KNOW YOU READ THIS MOM!)

Okay, it's good because there is no more rule about have to be home at 9 or something like lame rules. And that's good because I can go anywhere and anytime with anybody. I love that. 

1 year.. 2 years.. crap! 2 years I've been studying in this creepy University. Why is that so creepy? Because there is a lot of stories about ghosts here. I hate it and I mean it haha.

2 years feel so fast. Just laugh everytime, not much tears I let go. I am insanely happy.

No more homesick because I usually like this. Yeah small village like I told. Just 1 small mall, no nightlife places. Students everwhere. I am bored! But I have to do this. for fuck sake!

One day, I'm join to the University's event. Pretty big event, I signed up for Security Guard. Because the leader is my senior so I'm so easily joining. I met some rare people there. The first time I saw them I just feel eww who the hell are they. Day by day we meet.. hour by hour we talked.. I like those people! They're from other faculties. They're jokers! They can cheer me up when I feel so down. I hope that we can always keep contact after this event done. 

University it's not really bad and you just don't expect too much to this University or College life. We don't live in a movie. Mini skirt with a cute rebel tanktop without a shirt and heels at college life is only exist in MOVIES. We live in reality. Bit sucks but it is. We have to still breathing and go on.

Enjoy the craps, that's the only way the craps won't bother you any longer..

Oh wait! 

BE YOURSELF DON'T CARE PEOPLE WILL LIKE YOU OR NOT.

Here they are.. Those rare people!

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