I am The Lucky Herpes

You can counting how many times you got hurt?
People says bad words can hurt us so bad.
I said good word can hurt us too.
I love you,
Yes. That sweet shit hurting people in many ways.

Call people and share about problems we got,  actually that can make us joy.
But they can't really give advices.
The only one can solve your problems is yourself.
People says A, but your heart says B.
You must be do the B, even that will be the hurt one.

My life been messed up, many times..
I bet everyone does.
People nowadays fucked up because of broken heart.
Some of them can't stand it so they decide to harm themselves, or they can do the stupid suicide.
We can't blame when someone did that.
We blame the person who hurt those victims.

I'm a 21 years old girl, nearly adult but I can't think clear about anything.
Once I'm fallin' love with someone I shouldn't.
He's already taken by an immature shit for 4 years or more I don't care.
A month after he said he loves me, I found out he's taken.
That was hurt so damn much. I tried to pushed him away.
I tried to keep the distance, I tried pretending to be the one who don't need him.
I tried many ways to forget the way he looked at me, the way he kissed my shoulder, the way he kissed my forehead, the way he hold my hand when I barely sleep while he drive me home, the way he pulled his hands on my hip while I hug him for the last time.

And then I fail.
It's easy for me to fallin' love with stranger. But he's different kind of stranger who can make me stay awake all night just for thinking about us, and gave me some nightmares because of my feelings for him.
I never wanted to be the herpes for cute couple. But it's already done.
The girl found out who am I and she think that I'm the reason of that boy told her about boredom in their relationship. I already said I have to go because I won't hurt anyone. He said don't.
It's hurt when that boy text me: "I'll pick my girl, I'll chat you later okay." he's gone awhile.
There was not okay for me. But I can pretending say it's okay with these tears going down on my face.

One day I think I'm tough enough to let him go and having a happy ending with his pet. I told him to fuck off.
Day 1.. I'm fine
Day 2.. Shhhiiiiiii...... I'm finnneeeee....tttttttt
Day 3.. DAMN IT! WHAT THE FUCK IS HIS LINE ID!? 
Day 4.. I did it talk to him again and we just pressed the restart button. We started all over again, like we didn't know each other before :p

Honestly my life is suddenly being full package of quotes and music videos.
Friend of mine said "that's all your choice, letting go of your short term happiness for your long term happiness or keep living in your comfort zone with him for happiness a short term, because one day he will be back with her pet, and you'll getting hurt for more. Sooner or later it'll be happening."

This week is the damn exams week.
Passed 2 exams, I'm late because of stay awake just overthinking of this matter.
Come to university with a fucked up face, without shower and cute big panda's eyes.
My mate said what's wrong with you!?
I said nothin, just fucked up by life and people. haha *poker face

The storm is getting bigger and make me drowning too much, until come one of my kind of sister.
I told her all the details.
She just say, go pray.. God knows and will help you, don't be ashame to cry and say please, because God just miss you, and God want you to remember if God does exist. When you feel hurt like this just remember you have mom and brother at home waiting for your best story, they will sad if they find out their love is getting insane like this. You want to see them sad? see your mom crying on her pray? Nobody wants. I can't give you any advice, just ask God and it'll be alright. 

I pray.. Pleased to help me grow my patience, and give the best for all people I love.
Feel better now, I told him to not talking to me in a day because today is his gf's birthday, I won't bother anyway. Just take your fun time with your girl. I'm fine

At the end I have to say ' Mature is when you can watch your person you love happy, even they're happy without you or not because of you. '
Sounds like bullshit.
Biggest bullshit. But the most fantastic moment is when you did the biggest bullshit.

I am still trying to figure this out.
He keep saying we met in a wrong way and the time shouldn't like this.
But it's already done and this is God's plan.
Make it worth or you just waste your time again for nothing.

I am sorry I love you.
But I'm not sorry for loving your boyfriend.
Heart's problem, you can't blame me.
xoxo

College?

My name is B.

I'm afraid of

-God

-Ghost

-Dog (even the cute one)

-Dead

-People

-And College.

Yes college! Or University. Whatever it called~

My dad said that I have to be something. I will. My mom said that I have to prove to the world I can be someone. Something in common between SOMETHING and SOMEONE. 

There is same SOME and have to be!

Actually I don't know what i'm talking about here. I just wanna tell you about COLLEGE LIFE.

Things when you hear COLLEGE or UNIVERSITY are : FUCKING SENIORS and FREEDOM OF LIVE.

I'm studying in the most favorite University in Indonesia like I told in my old blog. I was afraid of seniors, because there is a lot of stories about seniority in college life. I was really really fucked up when the first time I moved to the small village. I have to moved because my University out of my hometown. Not to far but pretty far it's like more than 100km from my hometown. I felt so amazingly lonely and wants to hang myself. The first time I live far away from my mom. It's totally killing!

Wait.. 

LIVING FAR AWAY FROM PARENT? OMG that is freakin awesome! haha just kidding. (I KNOW YOU READ THIS MOM!)

Okay, it's good because there is no more rule about have to be home at 9 or something like lame rules. And that's good because I can go anywhere and anytime with anybody. I love that. 

1 year.. 2 years.. crap! 2 years I've been studying in this creepy University. Why is that so creepy? Because there is a lot of stories about ghosts here. I hate it and I mean it haha.

2 years feel so fast. Just laugh everytime, not much tears I let go. I am insanely happy.

No more homesick because I usually like this. Yeah small village like I told. Just 1 small mall, no nightlife places. Students everwhere. I am bored! But I have to do this. for fuck sake!

One day, I'm join to the University's event. Pretty big event, I signed up for Security Guard. Because the leader is my senior so I'm so easily joining. I met some rare people there. The first time I saw them I just feel eww who the hell are they. Day by day we meet.. hour by hour we talked.. I like those people! They're from other faculties. They're jokers! They can cheer me up when I feel so down. I hope that we can always keep contact after this event done. 

University it's not really bad and you just don't expect too much to this University or College life. We don't live in a movie. Mini skirt with a cute rebel tanktop without a shirt and heels at college life is only exist in MOVIES. We live in reality. Bit sucks but it is. We have to still breathing and go on.

Enjoy the craps, that's the only way the craps won't bother you any longer..

Oh wait! 

BE YOURSELF DON'T CARE PEOPLE WILL LIKE YOU OR NOT.

Here they are.. Those rare people!

FOLLOW ME?

WATCH US :)

LOVE?

The English word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from pleasure.
Love is totally complicated, because people think they just love for boyfriend or girlfriend. Love is beautiful if you can manage it. Love is completely pretty when you realize it. Love is amazing when you feel it. Love is perfect when you feel it deep inside.

Do you believe in love on the first sight? I do. because I love mom and dad when the first time I opened my eyes. They're amazing shit I've ever loved. Ans their love will never ends to me. That's happening to all of your parents. So love them as they love you. It's forever love. That is so different when you're in love with a guy or a girl because it will end someday soon or late.

Girls are easily fallin love than the guys. I don't know why and I don't wanna know about it. It just happening like water flow away.. 

Fallin love is amazing feelings you've ever felt. Because everything goes slow motion and beautiful. But when you're in love, you have to be ready for any risks. Not all people can having their love back. And it's gonna be hurt so much. I gave everything I had to give to someone I like. I know that he stares at me all the time. My heart say yes, but my brain say no. It's hard because I have to fight with myself like an idiot. I won't let you go anywhere, any seconds. I can't call you mine, I just can have you on my sights. You've been on my mind for a long time, but you say you're just a friend. I whisper quietly to this heart to let you fly away, but you're flying around me instead. Loving you is such a killing me but you gave me a pain killer. 

People say you're a jerk, you're a player, you sucks and people hate you. But I think my eyes blind now, my ears deaf suddenly. Did you just do that? Well I enjoy it when you're around.

I can't tell because we have such an amazing friendship that I won't lose it. So don't go I will try to stop it because I know it wasn't good enough for you. It's going dark because a lot of people close their eyes. Doesn't mean that people hate their life, they just tired of life and had enough. Through the sorrow and the fights..

Loving God is the best way to be loved back. Try it or you will never know how to feel loved. It's awesome! I do now. God gave you everything you want, it just about the time or it's not good enough for you. I'm not such a religion person, but I always remember where were I made. The story I wrote that is a real story of mine. I felt it and I'm letting go hardly. But I have to do that for the best.


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B-

Love Story Of X and Y

Once upon a time, there's a girl we can call her with a guest name. Umh we call her with X. She graduated from high school and continue her study in University in somewhere over the rainbow. She met a very nice guy we can call him mr Y. Mr Y is her classmate, they never wanted to be know each other. Until one day in class on admission of new students event, umh Indonesian people called it ospek. Friend's of mr Y making fun of X, and mr Y laugh out loud until X getting mad and she stand up from her chair and look at those guys said "STOP MAKING FUN OF PEOPLE! THAT IS NOT FUNNY AT ALL!!!" and those guys shut their mouth. From that terrible moment, mr Y trying to be friends with X. Day by day, they're getting closer.. One day mr Y meet X with her close friends on the way mr Y going back to his dorm. X asked to hang out together. Mr Y feel so awkward because people in their class think X and her friends are sociables girls. Like you know ...

 

But mr Y challenge himself to hang out with these girls. They eat, laugh and talking about other people in tiny resto because their University situated in small village, suddenly, X asking her friend to buy a drink. mr Y thinking : "HOLYCRAP!!!!! THEY WANT TO GET DRUNK NOW!? WHAT SHOULD I DO!? I DIDN'T DRINK!!!! OMG OMG OMFG!!!???" half hour later, one of X's friend coming with cheap drinks on her arm. Not kind of beers haha just some random alcohol. the girls start to drink and X offer the glass of alcohol to mr X. Mr X say no, BUT! he can't say no anymore haha. Not long, the girls getting drunk and they have to go back to dorm. Mr y hold X's hand, X feels so awkward and starting to feel something that people called LOVE. But now, everything's gone. No more love.. He decided to being friends, it's more than okay because it's pretty clear. I was happy when he's arround.

Thank God he changed me to be a better person, really better now..