Live Or Just Survive?

Take a deep breath..
Don't worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow is alive.
What we should worry about?
Or why we should worry

The abstract of the pain,
Also the silent of happiness.
Every time people say goodbye, there is another people come say hello.
Every day tears down, there is another day heads up.
Don't break a heart, because it's expensive to go to the hospital.

Ants keep shaking hands, people keep facing faces.
Kittens keeps born, people keeps abortion.

People make ways to war.
People make stupid ways to get attention.
People keep playing dumb whole time.
People lie for job position.
People judge other looking better.
People show useless programs on tv.
People kill people.
People spread their pathetic life on social media.
People act perfect.
People do whatever they said they hate.
People cheats.
People overreacts.
People do shit.
I watch those people.

Can we solve the problems to make a better peace?
By avoiding things, it'll never work out.
I say what I like, just like people.

When people judge, what kinda job that judges do this entire time?
What makes judges different when people can judge?
What's the point when people study law when people know how to misuse laws and keep judging?
What is the point of life?
To be happy?
Happiness is simple.

Live and survive doesn't have lots differences.
Are you live? Or just survive?

Sir, why don't you kill me?

I've been smoking cigarette since I was 12
Just  to find and escape from the world..
Drugs are evil, they keep you high just for a moment.
Drugs killed people.

" You know? Your dad is killed by someone we don't know.
We can't find who and why. Your dad is such a nice guy. Very nice..
I've been tried to find out who and why, but someone just threatened me.
And I stopped. We will never know who and why".

Those words are so much unforgettable and stick in  my mind forever.
Can't stop thinking about who and why.

Today, November 24th 2013

My little brother just got home at 4am he was so hangover with his friends.
My mom just worried about him, but he said he's okay.
He started talking about school, friends, and nearly our family.

He said he will study hard to get in to the right university with the best major he wanted.
He can't stop talking.
He said he needs me and my mom.
He said he will never study out of the town.
He said he's stressed out about mom because she's getting ill.
He said he wants to be something to prove people who underestimate him.
He said he will get bunch of money for me and mom.
He said he's got depressed about his life since my dad's died.

He didn't know if my dad died because someone drugs him.
If he knows, maybe he will find out who and why.
I love him. I love mom and dad more than anything.
I won't let my brother being hurt and pain.
I won't let my brother under pressure and depress.
I would trade any others just for dad being alive.
He is means so much to this family.

Sir, why don't you just kill me with those pills? Why you drug him?
You killed him, you kill my family slowly too.
I am so mad about this problem.
Drugs are so close with me now.

Sir, how if you my dad? Did your daughter or son will survive like us?
Why don't you just think like a normal adult?
You are an idiot adult.

Even I'm high, I feel so down.

QUESTIONS OF LIFE

There is some questions in life that my friends asked me about. That was pretty much easy, but I don't know how it's killing me. You need to push the brain when you answer that. 

First!!
IF YOU GROWING UP AND POOR. WHAT WOULD YOU DO!?
haha I said that I will earn money in a good way like being umh.. maybe farmer or being a labor. Maybe we judge, that's a low budget's job. But we never know how much they spent their energies just for life! I will look after my mom. I will not lose her as I lost my dad. I will never sell my body HAHA sounds insane. I mean my body parts. LOL who wants to buy a broken lungs, and broken heart.... :p

Second!!
WHAT IS THE BIGGEST REGRET YOU'VE EVER FELT?
I was quiet for couple minutes............
*sigh*

The biggest regret that I've ever done is when I declined my dad's offer to take me to school, because my dad's car was lame. It happened one day before he passed away. I feel soo regret! very very. It will never be forgotten. Until whenever.. And I have no time to say that I love my dad. He will never know how much I love him.. Ah! Dang it.

Third!!
IF YOU SUDDENLY HAVE 1 BILLION, WHAT WOULD YOU SPEND ON?
Well! First I will pray to God for this miracle. I will thank to God a lot haha. And I will spend it for despatch me, my mom and my little brother for pilgrimage. And the rest of money I will save for me and my brother's future. Anddd wait! I will take my dad's grave back! So I can save him easily. Dang! I feel so sorry when the grave was moved to his village!!!!! Bit angry but I can't do anything.

Fourth!!
WHAT IS YOU BEST QUOTE FOR LIFE!?
----------------------------------------------------------
I'M DREAMING WHEN I LIFE. I SLEEP WHEN I DIE.
that is the best quote for my life haha because it's motivated me a lot. I have some cool quotes for life. But that's the best from the best haha.
I decided that I put a cute word on my twitter biodata. I SNEEZE A UNICORN.

why I put that creepy word? Haha because I like Unicorn but sometimes I put "BATMAN'S WHORE" haha I love batman so baaaad. 

Eww this blog kinda trashy but I don't care haha because it's mine. I will wrote whatever I want to write haha.

BYE BIATCH!


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Alone

 Times to go..

Sometimes I want to be disappear, but I can still watch them.
Watch their laugh, their jokes, sadness, tears, and their fearless.
I love them, but I feel they don't know me. They looked me from outside.
From my happiness, and quiet insane.
They never know when I'm really really down. 

People says be patient and face the world with smile.
That is the most bullshit motivated words I've ever knew.
Because when you're down you and you just smile like a creepy person, you're fake yourself. 
Some people can't stand their lives. They goes mad.
I don't wanna be a mad person. I wannabe normal.
I'm kinda tired because I feel different, because when I'm with friends, I'm pretend to be normal.
That's sick. I'm not find someone yet who can accept the real I am.
Even my family.

My country isn't a cold country, don't have a fucking winter. But when rain comes, it's getting cold like I live in Russia.
I'm walking in the rain, I always walking with nobody beside me. Am I have any friends? yes
But, where are they?
They're getting busy with their own life.
Am I have a crush? Yes
But he don't really exist. He just in my dream. He's reachable.

Too much thoughts, fears, sadness, confuse, and complicated.
They fighting much and more in my mind.
I can't help it. I can't stop them.
I can't control them.
I'm too far with God.

I wish I have an imaginary friend.
I can talk with him,
Everywhere and every time I want.


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