Live Or Just Survive?

Take a deep breath..
Don't worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow is alive.
What we should worry about?
Or why we should worry

The abstract of the pain,
Also the silent of happiness.
Every time people say goodbye, there is another people come say hello.
Every day tears down, there is another day heads up.
Don't break a heart, because it's expensive to go to the hospital.

Ants keep shaking hands, people keep facing faces.
Kittens keeps born, people keeps abortion.

People make ways to war.
People make stupid ways to get attention.
People keep playing dumb whole time.
People lie for job position.
People judge other looking better.
People show useless programs on tv.
People kill people.
People spread their pathetic life on social media.
People act perfect.
People do whatever they said they hate.
People cheats.
People overreacts.
People do shit.
I watch those people.

Can we solve the problems to make a better peace?
By avoiding things, it'll never work out.
I say what I like, just like people.

When people judge, what kinda job that judges do this entire time?
What makes judges different when people can judge?
What's the point when people study law when people know how to misuse laws and keep judging?
What is the point of life?
To be happy?
Happiness is simple.

Live and survive doesn't have lots differences.
Are you live? Or just survive?

Can't Let Go

I love you

Everything's gonna be alright.

Looking for a bright light in the dark of life.

You know I care even I'm not always be there when you need me.

Don't you worry, everything's gonna be alright.

Sky is getting bright sooner or later.

The day when I said I'm afraid of finish my study. I'm afraid if I fail and make a mistake in life for twice. I've been failed and it was unforgettable. Make you cried and gone nuts. 

Can't even forgive myself.

But we can through the hardest part of life when we lost someone very special.

9 years ago this day feels so different.

I still can feel how tears falling down, and these eyes got punishment watching you cried over dad's body. People can easily say let go. Let your dad go and live peacefuly in heaven. But I can't help it. I can't lie to myself I won't let go. Never!

The way I solved some problems with alcohol and other bad stuff was wrong.

He's watching over me. I know he cried..

I'm sorry dad, I can't be your dream daughter.

I'm sorry mom, I can't be your smart daughter.

I'm sorry bro, I can't be your pretty sister.

I can't easily say sorry, but if I did I really mean it.

Life is getting bitter.

People getting sick. Sick mind!

There is no real love on people's heart.

All they wanted is just sex. 

Having a bleeding nose every single night is kinda killing me.

But makes me stronger for living.

I feel so close to you right now dad..

Can't wait to hug you right there and we can going somewhere, with mom and your son. Like we used to be. Real family :)

I know mom was a shit, because she married someone we never accepted.

Not because he will change your place, but I knew that guy wasn't that good.

You were the jerk one, dad!

But you're still my lovely jerk. And there is no place can't be changed by.

I don't have to tell you anything, because you already know what's happening.

Calm. everything's gonna be alright. Just be save in heaven and watch me growing up better.

I will take care of mom and brother. 

Kiss and pray for you both.

The best parents in both world.

xoxo

Everything Has Changed

Look up!
See!
There is a lot of stars up there..
Beautiful isn't it?

Sky never changed.
Stars always up there every night.
But when the grey clouds come out, the stars just hide for awhile.
It's like right now.

We were as one.
Now, everything's changing.
You said don't go, I ain't going anywhere.
When I stay, you just ignore me like a dumpster.
Pain is still a pain, I'm trying to refused the pain but I can't.
It's coming slapping me like a retard.

I didn't say that you are a retard, I said the pain.

I lost mine, you said that you want to stand beside me when I need help.
It just a bullshit speech though.
But thanks that you can made me stay.
Kinda hurt just being a fly between you and them.
But thanks that made me learn how to flying as a flies.

Jatinangor,
Cold as an ice. If we're together we can laugh now. Together..
Not just you and them. Did you just forget me?
Don't worry I will stay here whenever you need me I'll try to help.
I got my own zone, my world and my own happiness.
I'm okay alone, but I'm better with you.

You are just a boy who can't grow up because you just focused your life in one straight line.
I'm not trying to be arrogant, but you made me.

We are still be friends until someday the real big problem will separate us.
Someday..
Wish that day will never come.

Love you a lot, Mate :)

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Shine

sun burning..

grey clouds coming..

not rain yet..

weird..

Why should we have a feeling?

Why we should know love?

Why don't we just have heart with same feelings?

Why did people can love each other?

This is how it feels being betrayed.

Broken.

Left an ash.

Craps happen.

Think a lot about life and how hard is it. We trying to struggle and fight the wild world. A girl was born with craps and she tried to be heard. She had a lot of dreams.. Her name is Shine. Long black hair and pretty much good looking.

Like her name, she likes to shining their friend's feelings. She have a lot of friends. She is so easy going girl. She just like her freedom of live. Everytime her friends call her to sharing, she would come or just on the phone with them.. 

One day, she feels down and broken.

She call every friends of her and trying to tell something, but no one of their friends want to hear her story. She tried every way to keep her smile for making people happy and hiding all her sadness. She lost someone we don't know. Why we don't know?

Because no one wants to hear her sadness..

She keep herself busy so she can forget that problem. Lost someone is kinda hard because it's letting go half of your heart. Shine goes crazy. She can't hold the problem any longer.

Thursday. October 24th

After she back from school, she sit in front of her laptop. Googling something..

finally.. She found a way to make herself cure from losing someone's problem.

She committed suicide. 

She keep saying 'there is another perfect person, beside me..'

Someone who made Shine suicide coming to her funeral with someone new, more perfect.

No more Shine who can shining her friend's hearts. 

Losing someone is hurt. But don't hurt yourself for someone else.

Friendship never working nowadays.

If you read this, look at yourself now

Who are you?

Who you need the most?

Who need you the most?

Maybe they're missing you out there.

or you just missing them out there?

Open up your heart and look around.

They might be around.

Shine might be around you.

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ME ISN'T EASY

You see that clouds goes cloudy?
I don't, because I already saw your face.
I don't wannabe the grey cloud in your sunshine life.

DON'T YOU EVER THINK, IF YOU DECIDED TO BE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE, THAT MEANS YOU'RE GETTING BRAVE? YOU MAY NOT BRAVE AS A SUPERHERO, BUT YOU'RE ALIVE AS A REAL SUPERHERO IN YOUR OWN MIND.

Why are we pretending? Why are we just pretending that love isn't real? Because if you don't want me, you should just tell me now. So I can save this tears. Well that's just some random cute quote haha. Let me tell you story about today. I feel so complicated about everything. But at least finer things came today.

Close your eyes, lets your heart take a rest, lets start dreaming about a better life. Don't open you're eyes if you're not ready to face the cruel world. I find myself acting very simple, I act to be me.
I can see how I see people, how I judge people suddenly, how I love someone, how I hate some people with no reason, and I couldn't find any foundations of myself. Who am I then? Why I'm here closing my eyes and acting as me. 

I open my eyes with fears. I have to learn how to be growing up, because I can't always close my eyes to avoid my fears. Life is hard but if we enjoy it, we will find what's called HAPPINESS. Hard to trust anyone, but you're not a computer that you can save all your stories. You have to socialize with a lot of people, trusting people it's like giving your half heart to someone you can be trusted. I don't fucking know why I'm saying this. My brain is not working well now. I wrote everything inside my brain now. You have to know that my half cell's brain is dead.

Do you feel you're an idiot when you read this blog? It's okay because you better judge yourself then you judge other people you will never know their stories. 

Believe it or not, there is someone sick wants to be a psychiatrist, he said I WANT TO BE A PSYCHIATRIST! I AM A SICK GUY! I KNOW HOW TO FEEL SICK! don't you get it what is that mean? This earth goes drowning. Just pray and do your best for life and death. Don't let your fears stop your dreams. Don't hurt people if you won't to be hurt. Karma does exist so be nice with people. I'm not a God and I'm not perfect, I just share how to be a good person in life.


Love
B-