I've been smoking cigarette since I was 12
Just to find and escape from the world..
Drugs are evil, they keep you high just for a moment.
Drugs killed people.
" You know? Your dad is killed by someone we don't know.
We can't find who and why. Your dad is such a nice guy. Very nice..
I've been tried to find out who and why, but someone just threatened me.
And I stopped. We will never know who and why".
Those words are so much unforgettable and stick in my mind forever.
Can't stop thinking about who and why.
Today, November 24th 2013
My little brother just got home at 4am he was so hangover with his friends.
My mom just worried about him, but he said he's okay.
He started talking about school, friends, and nearly our family.
He said he will study hard to get in to the right university with the best major he wanted.
He can't stop talking.
He said he needs me and my mom.
He said he will never study out of the town.
He said he's stressed out about mom because she's getting ill.
He said he wants to be something to prove people who underestimate him.
He said he will get bunch of money for me and mom.
He said he's got depressed about his life since my dad's died.
He didn't know if my dad died because someone drugs him.
If he knows, maybe he will find out who and why.
I love him. I love mom and dad more than anything.
I won't let my brother being hurt and pain.
I won't let my brother under pressure and depress.
I would trade any others just for dad being alive.
He is means so much to this family.
Sir, why don't you just kill me with those pills? Why you drug him?
You killed him, you kill my family slowly too.
I am so mad about this problem.
Drugs are so close with me now.
Sir, how if you my dad? Did your daughter or son will survive like us?
Why don't you just think like a normal adult?
You are an idiot adult.
Even I'm high, I feel so down.
You see that clouds goes cloudy?
I don't, because I already saw your face.
I don't wannabe the grey cloud in your sunshine life.
DON'T YOU EVER THINK, IF YOU DECIDED TO BE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE, THAT MEANS YOU'RE GETTING BRAVE? YOU MAY NOT BRAVE AS A SUPERHERO, BUT YOU'RE ALIVE AS A REAL SUPERHERO IN YOUR OWN MIND.
Why are we pretending? Why are we just pretending that love isn't real? Because if you don't want me, you should just tell me now. So I can save this tears. Well that's just some random cute quote haha. Let me tell you story about today. I feel so complicated about everything. But at least finer things came today.
Close your eyes, lets your heart take a rest, lets start dreaming about a better life. Don't open you're eyes if you're not ready to face the cruel world. I find myself acting very simple, I act to be me.
I can see how I see people, how I judge people suddenly, how I love someone, how I hate some people with no reason, and I couldn't find any foundations of myself. Who am I then? Why I'm here closing my eyes and acting as me.
I open my eyes with fears. I have to learn how to be growing up, because I can't always close my eyes to avoid my fears. Life is hard but if we enjoy it, we will find what's called HAPPINESS. Hard to trust anyone, but you're not a computer that you can save all your stories. You have to socialize with a lot of people, trusting people it's like giving your half heart to someone you can be trusted. I don't fucking know why I'm saying this. My brain is not working well now. I wrote everything inside my brain now. You have to know that my half cell's brain is dead.
Do you feel you're an idiot when you read this blog? It's okay because you better judge yourself then you judge other people you will never know their stories.
Believe it or not, there is someone sick wants to be a psychiatrist, he said I WANT TO BE A PSYCHIATRIST! I AM A SICK GUY! I KNOW HOW TO FEEL SICK! don't you get it what is that mean? This earth goes drowning. Just pray and do your best for life and death. Don't let your fears stop your dreams. Don't hurt people if you won't to be hurt. Karma does exist so be nice with people. I'm not a God and I'm not perfect, I just share how to be a good person in life.
Love
B-
