Don't Hurt Argentina

Every single person have feelings..
Everyone can feel happy and sad,
Love and pain.
Teenegers build pains, adult suppose to build loves.
Nowadays all the people can build pain.

Here's the story about Argentina,

She is completely desperate and freakin lonely. She tried to get attention from her friends and family. But it didn't worked. She just can talk with her shadow and meet herself in her dream every single night. Pathetically she tried to committee suicide, and a friend of her told something about getting attraction from people especially boys in online dating site.

Friend: "Look! I got this cool app and you should download this, because I have some new friends from here and they're good. But you have to be careful because it's completely strange!"
Argentina: "Well, I knew and I download once but I didn't like it, so I uninstall."
Friend: "IDIOT! You're pathetic single girl nowadays, you've try to looking for boyfriend!!"
Argentina: "Okay I will try.."

Downloading....
Sign up....
Fill the profile...
Set the filter of looking for....
Choosing....

Eww~ can't lie there is a lot of shit people inside!
She remember the words from her friend to careful about the strangers.
Done liking some guys there, chatting for couple days with some strangers, and finally meet them.
One by one she meet them.
Day by day
Week by week
Full of meeting with new strangers

Nice boy, bad boy she tried to be friends with them.
There is one guy called Azer, suddenly Argentina in love with him. Love at the first sight!
Kinda gross but it's truth.
The guy luckily like her back. Talking on social network for couple days and they got in relationship.
Not lucky as the first time, that guy totally jerk. He just need sex.
Boom!
Argentina got dumped, because she won't having sex with that guy.

Argentina cried over that guy like an idiot, but she won't gave up looking for someone who wants her heart. She keep looking and looking until her real friends gone because she was busy with the shit stuff.

One boy..
And then two, three, four..
Finally a guy.
Lucky! He study in the same college with Argentina.
They finally meet in Argentina's dorm. The guy wanted to be her brother. Taking care of her like his own sister. Argentina seems so happy..
They're hugged and kissed like a new couple, but realise that they just brother and sister.
The second meet up, the guy asked her to make love with him.
Argentina can't stand it. She feels upset and confused.

After that meeting, Argentina decided to tell that guy to stop being her brother, because that guy just wanted to have sex. Well that was ashamed!

Argentina broken.
Again.
This time the pain is so much more because she lost her friends and there is no one cares about her anymore.
There is no more guys or stranger who would care or just even talk on social network with her.
More than lonely.

Argentina back to her routines to talk to herself.
She feels useless.
The thought of guys nowadays is all the guys are the same. Sex minded

Strangers are strange.
Love is fragile.
Girl's heart is smooth.
Guy's mind is thick.

Getting older is the sickest shit.
Logically.
Beware of people, because riot world will happen soon because of people's behaves!
Treat people good when you wanted to treated good.

I love you Argentina. You just need to take a rest in peace for a while.
Don't ever wake up from your dreams.
xoxo

IS HEAVEN BROKEN!?

Pale skin
Thick lips
Sheer moustache
Wave hair
YOU!

Are you just coming from heaven? Or you just been dumped from wonderland?
You make my life so colorful. You just did.
I don't know how!
Please don't tell me you're gonna leave this flat life.
Don't..

You make me happy, knowing you is such a beautiful accident.
You're lookin so cool. I wanna try looking someone like you. 

Your face on wallpaper my eyes, so I can see that pretty smile every second I blink these eyes.
Your laugh on my nails, so I can paint you with beautiful colors.
I wish that we van have more time to have a little conversation.
Sound perfect.

You're the smile on my face, don't goin nowhere!
Waiting for you is like waiting for plane on harbor.
Not possible.
Thank God, for your existence.
You just make everything better.
You. It's not just you.

Have you been look yourself in the mirror?
You got wings on your back.
That's why I said that heaven is freakin broke! 
If I can put smile on your smile, I would.

Doesn't matter you know me or not. 
You just coloring my life. And thanks for that :)
Waking up every morning and saying good morning to your picture looks idiot.
Don't care.

I'm addict to you.
Is heaven really broken?

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Awake

Spending couple hours.. A box of fags.. Cups of coffee.. Some of sprinkle donuts..

Sitting in the coffee shop, see a bunch of people outside, read some billboard signs telling people about bullshit advertisement, see drivers mad because of traffic jam, watch the stupid soap opera on this coffee shop's tv, listening adults talking about their life, hearing people moaning about their jobs, see a perfect family having a lunch together, see the sun goes down..

Looking for my laptop's screen awhile. Searching some youtube videos from my favorite youtube stars. Suddenly I find out a video titled "Bipolar Disorder". I'm checking out and.. I surprised.

I GOT A MENTAL DISORDER CALLED MIXED BIPOLAR DISEASE. I want to cry but the tears won't come. That is weird. 

I don't even know why I'm alive. Sometimes I just want to die and live forever beside my dad in heaven, oh wait. Heaven? How's the looks of heaven? I want to see. But die isn't that easy.

I can't stand I'm growing too fast. Hold the seconds I miss my past. Being old is not that easy. I am growing up. I have to be something, something that you will never guess about.
I hate people. Honestly, they are posers.

But I always thank to God that I can open my eyes, inhale a fresh air, and putting a smile on my face even I got a lot of life's problems.


I'm awake this morning felt nothing to do like usual.
I want to be a normal girl, who felt loved and love people.
I won't to be ill. I won't pretending that I care to people, because I never felt how to be cared by.
I am awake and I have to go to sleep again so I can find myself in there.


About Bipolar

Ever After

I was fell.. But that was so weird. I didn't feel hurt. Oh I was fallin love.

Fallin love with someone called X. The love story about X and Y came true. We've been together for couple weeks. This is abnormal. Nuts and complicated. X and Y didn't talk much. Didn't meet much but we fight all day. Days by days goes amazing, weeks by weeks goes insecure.. And we're done.

X broke up Y with a simple excuse. "I CAN'T STAND BY YOURSIDE ANY LONGER." that's it. He was changed like a stranger. I don't know him anymore. Who was that?A lot of questions jumped in my mind. Was you played me? Was that for a bet? We're we together just for making a rumor? What was that? and blablabla been thinking crazy. fight a lot with my mind..

Sadness hurt and pain. That's all I felt.But you know life is a happy ending. If the story goes sad ending, that is completely not an ending.So I went to somewhere over the rainbow to heal those pains. I met some new people. Do a lot of stuff for a week and back to my shit life with a brand new piece of heart and soul. A bit scare to loving people, but that's okay. I'm fineI'm totally cured now. 

Thanks for make me growing up. I realize that you are totally jerk because there's someone else beside  me and you in fact.

People told me the truth about you. I wasn't believe because I didn't feel what they felt. But now I'm no longer blind and they are right.you were the most person that I fight for. You never appreciated that.

Thanks for being such a jerk so I can save my other tears.Go ahead with that bitches and letting go the one who loved you the most.

We were cool. We are cold. And we will freeze.

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Alone

 Times to go..

Sometimes I want to be disappear, but I can still watch them.
Watch their laugh, their jokes, sadness, tears, and their fearless.
I love them, but I feel they don't know me. They looked me from outside.
From my happiness, and quiet insane.
They never know when I'm really really down. 

People says be patient and face the world with smile.
That is the most bullshit motivated words I've ever knew.
Because when you're down you and you just smile like a creepy person, you're fake yourself. 
Some people can't stand their lives. They goes mad.
I don't wanna be a mad person. I wannabe normal.
I'm kinda tired because I feel different, because when I'm with friends, I'm pretend to be normal.
That's sick. I'm not find someone yet who can accept the real I am.
Even my family.

My country isn't a cold country, don't have a fucking winter. But when rain comes, it's getting cold like I live in Russia.
I'm walking in the rain, I always walking with nobody beside me. Am I have any friends? yes
But, where are they?
They're getting busy with their own life.
Am I have a crush? Yes
But he don't really exist. He just in my dream. He's reachable.

Too much thoughts, fears, sadness, confuse, and complicated.
They fighting much and more in my mind.
I can't help it. I can't stop them.
I can't control them.
I'm too far with God.

I wish I have an imaginary friend.
I can talk with him,
Everywhere and every time I want.


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LOVE?

The English word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from pleasure.
Love is totally complicated, because people think they just love for boyfriend or girlfriend. Love is beautiful if you can manage it. Love is completely pretty when you realize it. Love is amazing when you feel it. Love is perfect when you feel it deep inside.

Do you believe in love on the first sight? I do. because I love mom and dad when the first time I opened my eyes. They're amazing shit I've ever loved. Ans their love will never ends to me. That's happening to all of your parents. So love them as they love you. It's forever love. That is so different when you're in love with a guy or a girl because it will end someday soon or late.

Girls are easily fallin love than the guys. I don't know why and I don't wanna know about it. It just happening like water flow away.. 

Fallin love is amazing feelings you've ever felt. Because everything goes slow motion and beautiful. But when you're in love, you have to be ready for any risks. Not all people can having their love back. And it's gonna be hurt so much. I gave everything I had to give to someone I like. I know that he stares at me all the time. My heart say yes, but my brain say no. It's hard because I have to fight with myself like an idiot. I won't let you go anywhere, any seconds. I can't call you mine, I just can have you on my sights. You've been on my mind for a long time, but you say you're just a friend. I whisper quietly to this heart to let you fly away, but you're flying around me instead. Loving you is such a killing me but you gave me a pain killer. 

People say you're a jerk, you're a player, you sucks and people hate you. But I think my eyes blind now, my ears deaf suddenly. Did you just do that? Well I enjoy it when you're around.

I can't tell because we have such an amazing friendship that I won't lose it. So don't go I will try to stop it because I know it wasn't good enough for you. It's going dark because a lot of people close their eyes. Doesn't mean that people hate their life, they just tired of life and had enough. Through the sorrow and the fights..

Loving God is the best way to be loved back. Try it or you will never know how to feel loved. It's awesome! I do now. God gave you everything you want, it just about the time or it's not good enough for you. I'm not such a religion person, but I always remember where were I made. The story I wrote that is a real story of mine. I felt it and I'm letting go hardly. But I have to do that for the best.


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Who Cares?

You think if you spread your daily routines, people will love you forever!?

Talk much on media social isn't a good habit of people nowadays. Others won't know everything about your freakin life. People who shared their sadness or their loneliness is the worse people I hate. I posted sadness stuff on Facebook with reason. Well judge it, I hate people with no reason.

Usually, people who spreads their daily suck life won't be stalked. But it's easily to stalk them haha for example: A girl love a guy like a psycho, but the guy not love her back and never wanted to fallin love with this girl haha. She always talk on media socials like this " OMFG I'M GONNA DIE IN 5 MINUTES, MY STOMACH HURTS, MY BONES ARE PAIN! SOMEBODY CALL THE AMBULANCE!!" She did it just for take attention by the guy she loved! What a tits! That is disgusting. People will dislike her like crazy. If people don't, I do HAHAHA

I always say WHO CARES to her, but she won't listen. Well now she don't accepted by groups. She has a pathetic life because she made it, people likes to making fun of her because of her attitude. I told her to change but she won't. She said she can't lol even she never tried before. I don't know why she's still alive!? I guess she died yesterday because of her status on twitter. Holycrap!

Hey friend's of mine, if you read this and you feel this is all about you, I'm not saying sorry I write your story, because I don't give a fuck for people. You just disgust my life and I hope you can change for a better life. If you wanna mad, just go ahead because I don't care.I have a lot of things to do for my future. I just wanna help you but if you feel intimidated, I am not gonna say sorry! HAHAHA

this is the sarcastic story I've ever wrote then, if you guys found the other sarcasm story after this, then you're gonna know that this kind of human got myself out of box! thanks dear Friend's of mine. you deserve the title of this blog!Cry out loud as loud as you can, because it will not worth. People already dislike you as hell.

Remember! WHO FUCKIN CARES! bye

10 Years From Now

Yesterday, I was in my course.. This is kinda weird because my course's teacher wasn't graduated from English literature. He studied psychology. He always teach the students about psychology stuff in his class. The first time I studied, he read my ability and kind of psychology stuff. HAHA I was shocked because he's kinda like knows everything. Well that wasn't really bad. Why I post this blog? Because I will compare my dreams what I wrote here, with the reality in 10 YEARS FROM NOW.

Now I'm just a student of popular University in Indonesia called Padjadjaran University. I studied Russian literature and language, bit strange yee haha because I've been trapped in there. I don't like Russian but I have to learn about everything.

 

 Beside there I have one little brother

 

 he's on high school right now. And of course mom and step dad. I have a lot of single time for hanging out with them even my mom is a bit busy, but still have a time for spending it together. I really love my family because they're everything I have right now. I won't lose any of them. And now I'm not a religion person, but I always try to be. Because God always know what I want. I have a lot of good friends right now..

 








They are a good friends of mine. I like to do a video stuff like shooting, editing, and publishing. I don't know what should I work as in the future. I think my brain doesn't work well. Or maybe my half cells dead? HAHA just kidding. The best lesson is our life. Won't stop doing video stuff because I really in love with it. My mom supported me!!! YAY OKAY HERE WE GO..

   

we talked about dreams here, I can be anything I want. Let's start! I will have a lot of BACKSTABBER FRIENDS! because I have a lot of money. They just want my money and popularity. I don't expect much about this shit part called friendship, because everything in life is a game, so I have to play it. Enough talking about friendship in 10 years. Talking about my family, me mom and lil brother have a lot of more time to spending together, because we moved together to United State of America, because of course I have a big movie production like umh.. Ryan murphy production or Will Smith production. something swag like that haha. I own a big famous production with a super cool people in there. And all celebrities in the world wants to be my friends because I am Tiarabead HAHAHA I will never forget whoever help me in my past life, because behind a success person is the best of the best people in this world.

MOM, DAD, BROTHER, BESTFRIENDS, AND WHOEVER CARES WITH ME. THANK YOU

what!? makin fun of this blog? go on. let's see who's laughing in 10 years from now...

Love Story Of X and Y

Once upon a time, there's a girl we can call her with a guest name. Umh we call her with X. She graduated from high school and continue her study in University in somewhere over the rainbow. She met a very nice guy we can call him mr Y. Mr Y is her classmate, they never wanted to be know each other. Until one day in class on admission of new students event, umh Indonesian people called it ospek. Friend's of mr Y making fun of X, and mr Y laugh out loud until X getting mad and she stand up from her chair and look at those guys said "STOP MAKING FUN OF PEOPLE! THAT IS NOT FUNNY AT ALL!!!" and those guys shut their mouth. From that terrible moment, mr Y trying to be friends with X. Day by day, they're getting closer.. One day mr Y meet X with her close friends on the way mr Y going back to his dorm. X asked to hang out together. Mr Y feel so awkward because people in their class think X and her friends are sociables girls. Like you know ...

 

But mr Y challenge himself to hang out with these girls. They eat, laugh and talking about other people in tiny resto because their University situated in small village, suddenly, X asking her friend to buy a drink. mr Y thinking : "HOLYCRAP!!!!! THEY WANT TO GET DRUNK NOW!? WHAT SHOULD I DO!? I DIDN'T DRINK!!!! OMG OMG OMFG!!!???" half hour later, one of X's friend coming with cheap drinks on her arm. Not kind of beers haha just some random alcohol. the girls start to drink and X offer the glass of alcohol to mr X. Mr X say no, BUT! he can't say no anymore haha. Not long, the girls getting drunk and they have to go back to dorm. Mr y hold X's hand, X feels so awkward and starting to feel something that people called LOVE. But now, everything's gone. No more love.. He decided to being friends, it's more than okay because it's pretty clear. I was happy when he's arround.

Thank God he changed me to be a better person, really better now..

The Only One Man

May 06th 1967 was born a boy in Middle Java Indonesia Asia. This boy called My Dad.

He grew up from an poor family, mom dad and 2 sisters and 1 brother. When he was teenager, he was so so naughty! He like to play football with his village friends, runaway from school, stole fruits from anywhere.

Done with his senior high school, he was looking for job to Jakarta, the capital city of Indonesia. Yes! he got a job as a junior cops (I don't know what's that called). He rent a small room like a dorm for living. He met a girl called My Mom and they had such a complicated relationship but it was so sweet love story I've ever heard :D 

1991 they decided to get married. They married with a tiny budget but its an unforgettable moment.  And 1992 they got their first baby called Me~! haha LOOK AT TINY ME! okay back to this. 

We stayed in police housing, not a big one but enough for 3 of us. The tiny me growing up so fast. He put me in police kindergarten it wasn't far from my house, so I can't be lazy for going to school. He is a hard men, he disciplined his family like a military.

I was so naughty, I was like a boy, taught my classmate to runaway from school, and I always made troubles! Anything. Everytime I did wrong, my dad always punch and hit me by police stuff like this.

I just can crying, but I always repeated the mistakes! And he keep punch me with this until I'm in first grade junior high school. He stopped because my mom told him to throw away that creepy stuff. I'm so phobia with that stuff. We moved to a better home when I was in kindergarten, that was so sad because I have to leave my childhood mates. I moved because my mom got promoted on her work. New home smell bad. But I faced it like a boss! I'm fine.

One day.. When I was in junior high school. My family will going to my sibling's home. My mom asked do I have any homework for tomorrow? I lied, I said no because if I said yes, we will not going anywhere. And then we go because my parents think I'm free no freakin homeworks. I was so happy visiting sibling's home because I can meet my cousins play random toys together. Well it's late almost 1 am we're home and the bad part just came out haha MY DAD FOUND THAT I HAVE A RELIGION TEST FOR TOMORROW!!!!! dang it! usqgeywegifg@##$$%#%^%Ujlu Yes! he was angry like a satan! haha. He punished me to study. I read the textbook and memorize all the questions and the answers after that my dad ask me the questions, if I can't answer.. He tell me to read that textbook again and call him when I'm ready. I was so scared because its late and he's tired it's like I give my soul to death reaper. Well I'm done with study at 3 am in the morning and I have to wake up at 6 because the class started at 7! I can do the test easily because I'm studying until I'm sick of study haha. 

My religion test got a perfect score and I passed the grade with the best rank in class. My dad brought my report book to his office and show it to all his friends! He feels so proud because his daughter got a #1 rank in class.

I started a new grade with a perfect feelings and that was the best moment part 38378425739 in my life, because my dad drove me to school and watching me with his glowing eyes it's like he really want to cry. I knew he is happy.

Elementary graduated. Continue to junior high school I was unlucky because I can't get in to my favorite school. So I continue study in worse school nearby my house. My parents looks like so sad because I can't get a best teachings. So I decided to study hard so I can move to better school when I pass that first grade. And yeppey! I did haha I moved to a better school on second grade.

Not cool as a new student. I wasn't easily talking to someone I was so shy. But the miracle just come to me haha I found some shit people who can accepted me whatever I am. I called them best junior high school. Here the best part of this blog.. You have to know.. Something.. Ready!? Okay.

September 27th 2005. 05.00AM 

I wake up with a mad face, my mom not waking me up. I'm out from my room and I saw my grandma and my uncle. 

I said " Where's mom!? Why she didn't wake me up! I'm late for school!!! ".

My grandma said: " Your mom have to go back to her office because she have to pick something she left ". I'm not answer anything I grab my towel and take a bath. I'm going to school by myself. 

In class, my classmate umh he's my cousin too.

He said: "Hey! You know that our sibling just got accident!?"

Me: "What!? no."

He: "Yeah, the name is Purnomo!"

Me: "LOL Purnomo is my dad's name HAHAHAHA". He ignored me then.

Suddenly, my teacher call me. She said someone pick me up because I have to go home for family event. LOL this is never happening before. I'm home then. I'm not thinking of anything I just guessing what event!? Why this is so important!? --- I LOOKED AT UTILITY POLES AND THERE'S A YELLOW FLAG WRITTEN "IPTU PURNOMO"!! (yellow flag is a small flag for muslim people there's someone passed away)

I didn't realize my tears just fall down like a waterfall... My heart like said HOLLYFUCKHOLLYFUCK!!@#$@#YH$!##!$@$^*(&(&#%! ARRRRGGGHHHH!

I'm home. I run inside and I hug I don't know who. I can't stop crying! My mom still on the hospital looking for my dad's body. My brother just picked up from school. After I changed my uniform my brother come in and hug me. I saw him like a poor poor little boy who doesn't have a dad anymore. 

Not too long. I heard the creepy ambulance sirene! It must be my daddy!!! I walked out weak, I look at the ambulance park in front of my house. I remember a month ago, I had dream that my dad die and the dream really come true because the same part of the ambulance park and where I'm standing watching the ambulance coming, that was really same! DEJAVU? I guess not. I saw my mom fatigued she can't stop crying and scream and fatigue.. Poor her. I can't do anything!!!! I followed my dad's body. They put him in living room with a wood bed. He still wear his cops uniform. I saw tears fall down to his ears.. I saw his ear bleeding. I still can't believe this is happening. The worst dream I've ever dreamed just coming true!? What a cruel life!!! 

I cleaned his tears and blood.. My mom watch his body while cry and close stare.

3 pm he buried. And I will never meet him for real again, I can't touch him. I can't hug him, I can't feel his cop's stick again.. I really want to wake up from this nightmare. Why is he leave us so fast!? 

For people who still have mom and dad, love him as long as you can. It was a perfect sadness feelings. You suicide because broken up with your bitches? You're dumb. Do not hurt your parents's feelings because they gave all they life for their kids.

Dad. I'm sorry I can't be perfect daughter..

I'm so sorry I wasn't say that I love you so much. I will do my best to make you proud. Dad, please wait me in heaven. I will come soon to meet you <3

I miss you so much, been 7 years you left me, but I still can't let you go.

You are the only man I love in my life.

Love you daddy..

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Chicken Pox

When I was a baby.. 

I was so freakin cute and small. I mean not fat as fuck like now haha. I don't have brother yet. My mom and my dad fallin love with me so bad! I didn't love them as they did because I don't even know what's love means..

Me, mom and dad was live in police dormitory because my dad is a policeman, it's not a big house but I really love live there, because we had such a friendly neighbors. We just have 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, kitchen and dining room being mixed to be 1 cute tiny room.

That's not my real home. Just lookin like haha I took it from google :)

Ahh we are such a cute perfect little family.
One day. Me as a cute baby.. attacked by freakin ill called CHICKEN POX! This creepy ill make me lookin like a little clown. I can't do anything except sleep-fed-sleep-fed-sleep and poop! yes that's what all babies did. 

yes that is me. The bald and tiny one haha fragile isn't it?
you can imagine how's the cute baby me got chicken pox!? 

My parents was so sad. I can feel it how was my mom's feeling D; My dad was craying staring at his daughter attacked by creepy red buttons. He hug me tight all night.
Until the disease moved to his body. He stopped working for a week. He can't go shower, can't go outside, he doesn't even can sleep like a normal people do. Every night he sleep, he must get in to the closet and hang his hands on hanger with rope so it can keep him from falling down. Yes like a bat hang their feet. 

A week later, the pox won't go away from his body. But he decided to go to work. He do shower and rub his face and all over his body with a hard towel so make the pox fall down. My mom won't let him to do that because it can left scratches. But my dad said " I can't stay at home like this. I have to do something to earn money for us. For us to live our life. I'm going "

My mom told me this story when I was 14 and I can't forget this. My dad is a real superhero! I love you mom and dad..

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