Four Pieces Sad Poems Of Mine

Broken Hearts and Prayers

When your heart chooses a path, and you walk so far,
nothing can turn you back from where you are.
No pain, no scars can make you turn away, there's nothing that anyone can do nor say.
You're scared, your hurting and the tears seem to never end,
but you think in your mind "I would do it all again".
For the little moments, that get you through the bad,
For the few happy moments that get you through the sad.
For the few laughs and smile, and the jokes and the care,that you wish so wholeheartedly would always be there.

You'd try to make them happy in ever possible way, but it seems to worsen with every passing day.
All you want is for them to hold you and let you know that they care,
but know matter how hard you try, they don't, and it doesn't seem fair.
Your whole heart now broken, you hope for a change,
but you know somehow even through your prayers they will always be the same. 
Your love won't let you leave,
and you continue to hope for the best,
and pray every night that God will take care of the rest.



Do You Know

Do you know a life of loneliness and one filled with pain living a life with nothing to gain.
Surrounded by darkness Overwhelmed with shame.
A life without peace with no one to blame.
Do you know of a place unseen, a place that holds only shattered dreams,
A place filled with sorrow with no end in sight,
I am given this gift each and every night. Do you know of a place so cold,
this is the place I call my soul.
A place without hope or comforting dreams, a life not worth living wouldn't it seem

Do you know of a life, that should have never been, and the feeling that today, this life has to end.
One more day of sadness is much too hard to bare,
I am tired of living a life of heart ache and despair.
Do you know a person with so much pain inside,
or the feeling of loneliness when no one hears your cries, maybe when the tears are gone,
and I can clearly see, the
only question left will be..
do you know me?


I Tried

I tried so hard.
I tried my best.
I gave you my all,
and now there's nothing left.

You stole my heart, then tore it in two.
Now I'm falling apart, and don't know what to do.
Divided by decisions, burned by the fire.
Confused by your words.
Tempted by desire.

I'm living in the present.
My mind is on the past.
Not knowing what I'll lose.
Not knowing what will last.

Blinded by fear.
Drowning in doubt.
Struggling to be free.
Looking for a way out.  


Where Do I Go?

Where do I go?
When I'm feeling so lost and I don't want to be found.
When I'm looking and listening for that peace in my heart.
But I know I'll never hear that sound.

Where do I go?
Where do I go when I'm trying to laugh but all I can do I cry?
I'm trying to keep on living because I'm not ready to die.
Where do I go because the sun never seems to shine?
Can you give me my life back it's not yours it's mine?
How do I keep going, how do I fight this fight?
I'm tired of feeling beat down,
but I'm trying with all my might!

Where do I go when my head hangs so low?
Please give me an answer because I just don't know!
Where do I go?
Does it take very long?
For me to find that peace and a place where I belong.
I need you to help me, help me to take a stand.
I'm scared to do it by myself, will you please take my hand?
Where do I go? Where do I go? Where do I go?
Do you know? 

Don't Hurt Argentina

Every single person have feelings..
Everyone can feel happy and sad,
Love and pain.
Teenegers build pains, adult suppose to build loves.
Nowadays all the people can build pain.

Here's the story about Argentina,

She is completely desperate and freakin lonely. She tried to get attention from her friends and family. But it didn't worked. She just can talk with her shadow and meet herself in her dream every single night. Pathetically she tried to committee suicide, and a friend of her told something about getting attraction from people especially boys in online dating site.

Friend: "Look! I got this cool app and you should download this, because I have some new friends from here and they're good. But you have to be careful because it's completely strange!"
Argentina: "Well, I knew and I download once but I didn't like it, so I uninstall."
Friend: "IDIOT! You're pathetic single girl nowadays, you've try to looking for boyfriend!!"
Argentina: "Okay I will try.."

Downloading....
Sign up....
Fill the profile...
Set the filter of looking for....
Choosing....

Eww~ can't lie there is a lot of shit people inside!
She remember the words from her friend to careful about the strangers.
Done liking some guys there, chatting for couple days with some strangers, and finally meet them.
One by one she meet them.
Day by day
Week by week
Full of meeting with new strangers

Nice boy, bad boy she tried to be friends with them.
There is one guy called Azer, suddenly Argentina in love with him. Love at the first sight!
Kinda gross but it's truth.
The guy luckily like her back. Talking on social network for couple days and they got in relationship.
Not lucky as the first time, that guy totally jerk. He just need sex.
Boom!
Argentina got dumped, because she won't having sex with that guy.

Argentina cried over that guy like an idiot, but she won't gave up looking for someone who wants her heart. She keep looking and looking until her real friends gone because she was busy with the shit stuff.

One boy..
And then two, three, four..
Finally a guy.
Lucky! He study in the same college with Argentina.
They finally meet in Argentina's dorm. The guy wanted to be her brother. Taking care of her like his own sister. Argentina seems so happy..
They're hugged and kissed like a new couple, but realise that they just brother and sister.
The second meet up, the guy asked her to make love with him.
Argentina can't stand it. She feels upset and confused.

After that meeting, Argentina decided to tell that guy to stop being her brother, because that guy just wanted to have sex. Well that was ashamed!

Argentina broken.
Again.
This time the pain is so much more because she lost her friends and there is no one cares about her anymore.
There is no more guys or stranger who would care or just even talk on social network with her.
More than lonely.

Argentina back to her routines to talk to herself.
She feels useless.
The thought of guys nowadays is all the guys are the same. Sex minded

Strangers are strange.
Love is fragile.
Girl's heart is smooth.
Guy's mind is thick.

Getting older is the sickest shit.
Logically.
Beware of people, because riot world will happen soon because of people's behaves!
Treat people good when you wanted to treated good.

I love you Argentina. You just need to take a rest in peace for a while.
Don't ever wake up from your dreams.
xoxo

I Am Still Normal

Straight

Lesbo

Gay

Bisex

fuck that.

When I was in high school, I thought that I'm a lesbian.

I know that was crazy thought. But it's happened. I felt how to kissed by a girl, and touched.

Feels tingly and yucks! 

I tried to be a butch girl so I can revenged. My ex girlfriend wasn't a lesbian, but I changed her and for the first time she kissed a girl and that was me. 

I was a jerk.

I had a lot of girlfriends. I never think how they felt because it doesn't matter for me. 

I don't like the way we kissed, touched, even hugged. Felts so strange and creepy.

But some of my mates are lesbians, so I didn't feel wrong.

I graduated from high school and came to the university.

New start of live, new people around and there is no fears of being what I want.

I enjoyed life I called myself a bisex, because I do like boys.

But I can't just changed to be a straight one because I was a lesbian and if I change straight suddenly, my old mates will rejected me. 

I won't lose any of them. 

Until someday my lesbian best mate invited me to her girlfriend's event in the big one's club and bar.

The event was just for lesbian or gay people. 

I was so excited because I thought I can see some sexy dancers and some barbie girls with a cute mini dress. But beside, I thought about getting a new start with a boy. Not a gay one!

I came with my straight buddy. 

I dressed like a real girly, I arrived and super surprised because I saw a bunch of girls.

Wrong girls.

Butches everywhere, they had boobs but act like a guy. SUPER FAIL!

But there was a lot of sexy girls with a super cute heels. haha

I can't stop staring, my eyes swept all over the club.

I saw girls kissed each others. EWW!

I said to my straight buddy.

OMFG I need to pray to doomed this world soon! It's getting creepy spooky and horror more than The Conjuring movie.

My lesbian mate gave me a lot of shit so I can't feel my mouth. The music made those sick girls dance like they're in heaven. I met a girl. A weird one!

She danced with a fuckin speaker hahahaha 

She's not fit at all, short and not fashionable as a normal girl haha.

She is not a butch.

I talked to her and tried to hug her from behind but, I felt like God slap me in the face so I decided to made fun of her, getting laugh with my mates. 

My mate can't control herself, she was kinda dead by those amazing drinks and some pills.

I felt like oh God why I'm here? 

I'm not a lesbian. And never wanna be.

I feel so sorry about what happened in my past.

But I took as an experience. Not all of people want to try that, and I suggest don't ever try to be a guy or lesbian. It was not fun! And you can't literally stop.

Thanks for my best buddies, you guys took me to the bright life.

I realise that I am not a lesbian. I still love someone with cool beard and thin moustache. 

I like guy.

But if you invited me again for a bunch of free drinks, I'd love to come :p

The best experience in my life.

I love you guys, forever!

Can't Let Go

I love you

Everything's gonna be alright.

Looking for a bright light in the dark of life.

You know I care even I'm not always be there when you need me.

Don't you worry, everything's gonna be alright.

Sky is getting bright sooner or later.

The day when I said I'm afraid of finish my study. I'm afraid if I fail and make a mistake in life for twice. I've been failed and it was unforgettable. Make you cried and gone nuts. 

Can't even forgive myself.

But we can through the hardest part of life when we lost someone very special.

9 years ago this day feels so different.

I still can feel how tears falling down, and these eyes got punishment watching you cried over dad's body. People can easily say let go. Let your dad go and live peacefuly in heaven. But I can't help it. I can't lie to myself I won't let go. Never!

The way I solved some problems with alcohol and other bad stuff was wrong.

He's watching over me. I know he cried..

I'm sorry dad, I can't be your dream daughter.

I'm sorry mom, I can't be your smart daughter.

I'm sorry bro, I can't be your pretty sister.

I can't easily say sorry, but if I did I really mean it.

Life is getting bitter.

People getting sick. Sick mind!

There is no real love on people's heart.

All they wanted is just sex. 

Having a bleeding nose every single night is kinda killing me.

But makes me stronger for living.

I feel so close to you right now dad..

Can't wait to hug you right there and we can going somewhere, with mom and your son. Like we used to be. Real family :)

I know mom was a shit, because she married someone we never accepted.

Not because he will change your place, but I knew that guy wasn't that good.

You were the jerk one, dad!

But you're still my lovely jerk. And there is no place can't be changed by.

I don't have to tell you anything, because you already know what's happening.

Calm. everything's gonna be alright. Just be save in heaven and watch me growing up better.

I will take care of mom and brother. 

Kiss and pray for you both.

The best parents in both world.

xoxo

IS HEAVEN BROKEN!?

Pale skin
Thick lips
Sheer moustache
Wave hair
YOU!

Are you just coming from heaven? Or you just been dumped from wonderland?
You make my life so colorful. You just did.
I don't know how!
Please don't tell me you're gonna leave this flat life.
Don't..

You make me happy, knowing you is such a beautiful accident.
You're lookin so cool. I wanna try looking someone like you. 

Your face on wallpaper my eyes, so I can see that pretty smile every second I blink these eyes.
Your laugh on my nails, so I can paint you with beautiful colors.
I wish that we van have more time to have a little conversation.
Sound perfect.

You're the smile on my face, don't goin nowhere!
Waiting for you is like waiting for plane on harbor.
Not possible.
Thank God, for your existence.
You just make everything better.
You. It's not just you.

Have you been look yourself in the mirror?
You got wings on your back.
That's why I said that heaven is freakin broke! 
If I can put smile on your smile, I would.

Doesn't matter you know me or not. 
You just coloring my life. And thanks for that :)
Waking up every morning and saying good morning to your picture looks idiot.
Don't care.

I'm addict to you.
Is heaven really broken?

TWITTER

Poems For Mom and Dad

I Love You daddy

Crushes in my life may keep coming and going.
But, Daddy my love for you is a river that will keep flowing.
No matter how much you scold me, I know it's for my own good.
And even if i don't listen to you, you'll forgive me, I know you would.
You're so special to me more than you can imagine.
Without your advice and love, life by itself feels rotten.

My Father's Love

My father's love goes deeper and beyond words.
When I call out in pain, I can be sure I'll be heard.
When I need a hug, I know he'll be waiting with open arms,
And when I'm scared, he'll make sure I'm safe and sound.
When I need someone to talk, he'll be waiting for me to start.
When I'm sad and in pain, he'll be already mending my heart.
No matter what the situation is, my father will always be there.
When I'm looking for love, I'll open my eyes and find my love everywhere.

Daddy Dearest

Dearest Daddy,
How can I begin to tell you what you mean to me,
Whenever you're around the grass always seems to be green.
The sun is just never too hot and there's a rainbow in the sky.
You'll make all of us so happy, Dad.
I can just never deny.
I just want the best for you, cause you're so very dear.
My you perpetually go around spreading your lovely cheer.

You Made Me Strong

Everytime I fell, you pushed me up, shedding tears, you never let me drop one.
With my soul, and all my heart,
I wish you are there, to support till the end.
As you did, in the start.
With all the screaming love that you poured,
I believe, you carved me stronger through my core.
I love you Mom.

Be Entertaining Mom

She is innocent like Tom.
And yet so cute like Jerry.
She makes me laugh like Flintstones.
Yet she's understanding like Wilma.
She is beautiful like Sandra Bullock.
And loving like Gomes.
She is caring like Granny.
Yet witty like Tweety.
She is just not my mother.
She is my best friend.

Follow me?
Watch me?
Watch another me?
Follow my Tumblr?
Check out my PICTURES?

Ever After

I was fell.. But that was so weird. I didn't feel hurt. Oh I was fallin love.

Fallin love with someone called X. The love story about X and Y came true. We've been together for couple weeks. This is abnormal. Nuts and complicated. X and Y didn't talk much. Didn't meet much but we fight all day. Days by days goes amazing, weeks by weeks goes insecure.. And we're done.

X broke up Y with a simple excuse. "I CAN'T STAND BY YOURSIDE ANY LONGER." that's it. He was changed like a stranger. I don't know him anymore. Who was that?A lot of questions jumped in my mind. Was you played me? Was that for a bet? We're we together just for making a rumor? What was that? and blablabla been thinking crazy. fight a lot with my mind..

Sadness hurt and pain. That's all I felt.But you know life is a happy ending. If the story goes sad ending, that is completely not an ending.So I went to somewhere over the rainbow to heal those pains. I met some new people. Do a lot of stuff for a week and back to my shit life with a brand new piece of heart and soul. A bit scare to loving people, but that's okay. I'm fineI'm totally cured now. 

Thanks for make me growing up. I realize that you are totally jerk because there's someone else beside  me and you in fact.

People told me the truth about you. I wasn't believe because I didn't feel what they felt. But now I'm no longer blind and they are right.you were the most person that I fight for. You never appreciated that.

Thanks for being such a jerk so I can save my other tears.Go ahead with that bitches and letting go the one who loved you the most.

We were cool. We are cold. And we will freeze.

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Trip

LOVE?

The English word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from pleasure.
Love is totally complicated, because people think they just love for boyfriend or girlfriend. Love is beautiful if you can manage it. Love is completely pretty when you realize it. Love is amazing when you feel it. Love is perfect when you feel it deep inside.

Do you believe in love on the first sight? I do. because I love mom and dad when the first time I opened my eyes. They're amazing shit I've ever loved. Ans their love will never ends to me. That's happening to all of your parents. So love them as they love you. It's forever love. That is so different when you're in love with a guy or a girl because it will end someday soon or late.

Girls are easily fallin love than the guys. I don't know why and I don't wanna know about it. It just happening like water flow away.. 

Fallin love is amazing feelings you've ever felt. Because everything goes slow motion and beautiful. But when you're in love, you have to be ready for any risks. Not all people can having their love back. And it's gonna be hurt so much. I gave everything I had to give to someone I like. I know that he stares at me all the time. My heart say yes, but my brain say no. It's hard because I have to fight with myself like an idiot. I won't let you go anywhere, any seconds. I can't call you mine, I just can have you on my sights. You've been on my mind for a long time, but you say you're just a friend. I whisper quietly to this heart to let you fly away, but you're flying around me instead. Loving you is such a killing me but you gave me a pain killer. 

People say you're a jerk, you're a player, you sucks and people hate you. But I think my eyes blind now, my ears deaf suddenly. Did you just do that? Well I enjoy it when you're around.

I can't tell because we have such an amazing friendship that I won't lose it. So don't go I will try to stop it because I know it wasn't good enough for you. It's going dark because a lot of people close their eyes. Doesn't mean that people hate their life, they just tired of life and had enough. Through the sorrow and the fights..

Loving God is the best way to be loved back. Try it or you will never know how to feel loved. It's awesome! I do now. God gave you everything you want, it just about the time or it's not good enough for you. I'm not such a religion person, but I always remember where were I made. The story I wrote that is a real story of mine. I felt it and I'm letting go hardly. But I have to do that for the best.


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B-

ME ISN'T EASY

You see that clouds goes cloudy?
I don't, because I already saw your face.
I don't wannabe the grey cloud in your sunshine life.

DON'T YOU EVER THINK, IF YOU DECIDED TO BE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE, THAT MEANS YOU'RE GETTING BRAVE? YOU MAY NOT BRAVE AS A SUPERHERO, BUT YOU'RE ALIVE AS A REAL SUPERHERO IN YOUR OWN MIND.

Why are we pretending? Why are we just pretending that love isn't real? Because if you don't want me, you should just tell me now. So I can save this tears. Well that's just some random cute quote haha. Let me tell you story about today. I feel so complicated about everything. But at least finer things came today.

Close your eyes, lets your heart take a rest, lets start dreaming about a better life. Don't open you're eyes if you're not ready to face the cruel world. I find myself acting very simple, I act to be me.
I can see how I see people, how I judge people suddenly, how I love someone, how I hate some people with no reason, and I couldn't find any foundations of myself. Who am I then? Why I'm here closing my eyes and acting as me. 

I open my eyes with fears. I have to learn how to be growing up, because I can't always close my eyes to avoid my fears. Life is hard but if we enjoy it, we will find what's called HAPPINESS. Hard to trust anyone, but you're not a computer that you can save all your stories. You have to socialize with a lot of people, trusting people it's like giving your half heart to someone you can be trusted. I don't fucking know why I'm saying this. My brain is not working well now. I wrote everything inside my brain now. You have to know that my half cell's brain is dead.

Do you feel you're an idiot when you read this blog? It's okay because you better judge yourself then you judge other people you will never know their stories. 

Believe it or not, there is someone sick wants to be a psychiatrist, he said I WANT TO BE A PSYCHIATRIST! I AM A SICK GUY! I KNOW HOW TO FEEL SICK! don't you get it what is that mean? This earth goes drowning. Just pray and do your best for life and death. Don't let your fears stop your dreams. Don't hurt people if you won't to be hurt. Karma does exist so be nice with people. I'm not a God and I'm not perfect, I just share how to be a good person in life.


Love
B-

Incredible Woman

Do you ever feel wanted to kill someone? I do. I wanted to kill people who hurts my little family, include my close mates. Because I don't wanna see these people got hurt. I never wanted to hear there is people I love crying because of stupid reason. MOM.. fragile woman but she pretending like she's strong as a horse. Here some story about her..

 

The day where's my her husband died, I saw her as a figure women who desperate because of half of her soul is missing. How pathetic but I can't do anything.. People keep saying that I have to patient and I have to be something so my parents will proud of me, don't you know that is a disgusting advices!? You guys just saying without know how I feel inside. That's heavy! Day by day everything changing like insanely. People changing so fast like the weather nowadays. Her husband died but her life must go on because it cannot stop her life too. In her office, she got an offered by her head office to deliver money to office eradication of corruption, because a lot of corruption in her office. But she won't do that because it's like a bribe and that is not good at all, if she got catched she will join people in cells. LOL so she won't do that.. Her head office said she will get demotion, she is so stressed out because she thought about her kids at home. She told me everything then I said, don't worry mom, money can be find. But in fact she got promoted! Lol what a surprise. God is always give the best. The hard part can be accepted is when she told me about get married again, why I mad? because she told me a month before the marriage. How crazy is that!? I don't even know who's the guy, me and my brother got really mad but finally we understand and accepted her decision. But don't blame us for against that guy.. After get married, this fragile woman getting more and more religious like crazy! That is too much. I don't like it.

 

Sometimes I don't want to be a parents, because parents have to take a responsible about everything. But it cannot be happen haha The woman that I called Incredible is my mom. She is the best woman I've ever have. I love you Mom, forever and ever! I don't wanna lose you. I'm sorry if I can't be something now, but I keep trying to be something and you'll be proud of me someday. I will take you and your son with me when I success. We have to be a perfect little family, just you me and your little son. Thanks for being my mom.

YOU ARE FUCKING THE BEST~
Do not ever underestimate small people because you can't compare your life with another person. Life must balance.

10 Years From Now

Yesterday, I was in my course.. This is kinda weird because my course's teacher wasn't graduated from English literature. He studied psychology. He always teach the students about psychology stuff in his class. The first time I studied, he read my ability and kind of psychology stuff. HAHA I was shocked because he's kinda like knows everything. Well that wasn't really bad. Why I post this blog? Because I will compare my dreams what I wrote here, with the reality in 10 YEARS FROM NOW.

Now I'm just a student of popular University in Indonesia called Padjadjaran University. I studied Russian literature and language, bit strange yee haha because I've been trapped in there. I don't like Russian but I have to learn about everything.

 

 Beside there I have one little brother

 

 he's on high school right now. And of course mom and step dad. I have a lot of single time for hanging out with them even my mom is a bit busy, but still have a time for spending it together. I really love my family because they're everything I have right now. I won't lose any of them. And now I'm not a religion person, but I always try to be. Because God always know what I want. I have a lot of good friends right now..

 








They are a good friends of mine. I like to do a video stuff like shooting, editing, and publishing. I don't know what should I work as in the future. I think my brain doesn't work well. Or maybe my half cells dead? HAHA just kidding. The best lesson is our life. Won't stop doing video stuff because I really in love with it. My mom supported me!!! YAY OKAY HERE WE GO..

   

we talked about dreams here, I can be anything I want. Let's start! I will have a lot of BACKSTABBER FRIENDS! because I have a lot of money. They just want my money and popularity. I don't expect much about this shit part called friendship, because everything in life is a game, so I have to play it. Enough talking about friendship in 10 years. Talking about my family, me mom and lil brother have a lot of more time to spending together, because we moved together to United State of America, because of course I have a big movie production like umh.. Ryan murphy production or Will Smith production. something swag like that haha. I own a big famous production with a super cool people in there. And all celebrities in the world wants to be my friends because I am Tiarabead HAHAHA I will never forget whoever help me in my past life, because behind a success person is the best of the best people in this world.

MOM, DAD, BROTHER, BESTFRIENDS, AND WHOEVER CARES WITH ME. THANK YOU

what!? makin fun of this blog? go on. let's see who's laughing in 10 years from now...

Love Story Of X and Y

Once upon a time, there's a girl we can call her with a guest name. Umh we call her with X. She graduated from high school and continue her study in University in somewhere over the rainbow. She met a very nice guy we can call him mr Y. Mr Y is her classmate, they never wanted to be know each other. Until one day in class on admission of new students event, umh Indonesian people called it ospek. Friend's of mr Y making fun of X, and mr Y laugh out loud until X getting mad and she stand up from her chair and look at those guys said "STOP MAKING FUN OF PEOPLE! THAT IS NOT FUNNY AT ALL!!!" and those guys shut their mouth. From that terrible moment, mr Y trying to be friends with X. Day by day, they're getting closer.. One day mr Y meet X with her close friends on the way mr Y going back to his dorm. X asked to hang out together. Mr Y feel so awkward because people in their class think X and her friends are sociables girls. Like you know ...

 

But mr Y challenge himself to hang out with these girls. They eat, laugh and talking about other people in tiny resto because their University situated in small village, suddenly, X asking her friend to buy a drink. mr Y thinking : "HOLYCRAP!!!!! THEY WANT TO GET DRUNK NOW!? WHAT SHOULD I DO!? I DIDN'T DRINK!!!! OMG OMG OMFG!!!???" half hour later, one of X's friend coming with cheap drinks on her arm. Not kind of beers haha just some random alcohol. the girls start to drink and X offer the glass of alcohol to mr X. Mr X say no, BUT! he can't say no anymore haha. Not long, the girls getting drunk and they have to go back to dorm. Mr y hold X's hand, X feels so awkward and starting to feel something that people called LOVE. But now, everything's gone. No more love.. He decided to being friends, it's more than okay because it's pretty clear. I was happy when he's arround.

Thank God he changed me to be a better person, really better now..